Apr. 1st, 2012

kellyelizabeth: (Default)
So my boyfriend broke up with me Thursday morning. It's complicated and confusing and I can't really explain it, so please don't ask. There's no bad blood between us, but we are both hurting.

It wasn't a complete surprise - we had had an argument Sunday night, that ended up with him telling me he wanted to go on a break. After talking through it, he changed his mind and would try to make it work. I knew the end was coming, but I thought maybe I'd get another week or two.

Although I have been crying frequently, and sometimes sobbing/shaking in my bed, I don't feel as bad as I should be. I know, "no one can say how you SHOULD feel, blah blah blah." That's not what I mean. I mean that it hasn't fully hit me yet - I am not on rock bottom.

There's a bit of hope in my heart that we will get back together that I want to squish and get over so I can get on with grieving. Do I think he will call and grovel and ask me to take him back? No. But that doesn't seem to matter. And it's all my parents' fault.

My parents' love story is that of a bad chickflick. They started dating casually - no one was allowed to fall in love! - then my dad said things were getting too serious - he was scared! - and broke up with my mother. Two weeks later he is drunk serenading her in a bar to get her to take him back. Two weeks after that, he asked her if she would like to be engaged. They have been married for 32 years.

Because I grew up with this story of my father being scared of the seriousness, the love, whatever, so much that it made him break up with her, and then realize it was the BIGGEST MISTAKE OF HIS LIFE, I can't help but think, "this could happen to me too. The past can repeat itself. In two weeks Brandon will realize and he will want me back and we will live happily ever after."

So I figure in 2 weeks I will be a complete mess, but until then, I'm just kind of sad and numb.

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kellyelizabeth: (Default)
Kelly Elizabeth

April 2012

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